The hardest thing about Cheryl’s ruptured aneurysm is that I’ve lost my best friend. The person I used to go out and do things with. I’ve lost the person I used to be able to talk to about anything. The person that I could share everything from the stupidest Hollywood gossip to the most intent thoughts and feelings.
That Cheryl is gone.
Sometimes I think about the things that we wanted to do. The trips we wanted to take or the fun we wanted to have. I’ve always wanted to go to Six Flags and just never got around to it. I couldn’t imagine going now. It’s not like Cheryl can ever ride a roller coaster let along survive walking around the park all day. What’s the alternative? Go by myself? Eh. No thanks.
Vegas? Forget about it? The bright lights mixed with the sheer number of people? No thank you. It would be just as stressful on me as it would be her.
Concerts? She’s deaf. What would be the point?
One of our favorite things to do was go out to dinner. Eating, drinking and having a great conversation. Now? Sure, we can still go out, but the drinking is done and the conversations are strained at best. It’s usually too loud and I can’t really understand her.
It takes an incredible amount of focus when we’re in a quiet place. In public? It’s so hard.
It hasn’t helped that I’ve struggled to understand her for some time now and I’m the one who understands her best. This is why we stopped doing the podcast, Diffin Strokes. It’s simply been too hard to have a conversation with her at any great length of time.
Which brings me to what hurts the most…
I don’t have my friend to talk to any more. You see, Cheryl and I used to talk ALL the time. I mean, all the time. We’d text or chat online throughout the day and then we’d talk on the phone every night around 10 pm…sometimes until 3 or 4 in the morning.
We can’t do that any more. We can’t chit chat easily. Sometimes you just wanna say, “Brad and Angelina are getting divorced,” get a “wow” and move on with your day. You know, the way friends interact.
That’s not possible with Cheryl.
You have to get her attention, she has to read your lips, she has to understand what you said (which could take a couple of repeats before she gets its), then she has to process that information, then she has to formulate a response and lastly, you have to understand that response…which, again, could take several attempts.
That’s not chit chat. That’s work. A lot of work. A lot of work for something that really isn’t all that important in the first place.
Not to say we don’t talk. We do. It’s just hard. but given the level that we used to? Yeah, it’s no where near that level.
So we don’t chit chat.
Not really. That makes me sad because I miss my friend. I miss talking to her. I miss spending quality time with her. I miss hearing her thoughts and opinions about movies and TV shows and politics and books and stupid TMZ stories about celebrities getting divorced.
I miss it so much.